


and my hands are not clean, maybe they never will be

by corvuss



Category: X-23 (Comic), X-Men (Comicverse), X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, this is just blatant plotless vent tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 11:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17222780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corvuss/pseuds/corvuss
Summary: It's always there, in the back of your head. Some nights more than others.





	and my hands are not clean, maybe they never will be

Your name is Laura Kinney and you are here.

 

You are here.

 

You are here.

 

Everything they trained you to be echoes in your thoughts, a constant reminder of who you're not.

 

_What_ you're not.

 

Your first instinct is to kill. Always. In the back of your head, always there. X-23, always there.

 

Every waking moment is an effort to fight it. Some days are easier than others.

 

This is not one of them.

 

Your name is Laura Kinney and you are not broken.

 

(Because you never had the chance to be whole.)

 

You are here.

 

_You are here._

 

You repeat that until your voice is hoarse. Until the wall feels like it's going to cave in from how much you're digging into it.

 

Some nights you're a burning fire, all blaze and fury and determination to take them _down_ , to stop them from ever, ever creating more monsters like you. Some nights you can picture it, them crumbling at your feet, the power coursing through you.

 

But tonight you're just scared.

 

Of yourself. Of what you're capable of.

 

Tonight you're just weak.

 

Tonight you're fucking - you're _fucking_ upset with yourself. For not being a good weapon. For betraying them, for betraying your _purpose_ , the reason you were put on this _earth,_ for - 

 

You think you're going to throw up.

 

Your hands will never be clean.

 

You can tell yourself you were just a kid. You can tell yourself you were a victim, it wasn't your fault, you were molded into it, you didn't know any better. You can tell yourself whatever the fuck you want.

 

That doesn't change what you did.

 

That doesn't change who you _are_.

 

Who _are_ you, Laura Kinney?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Geez. Writing that was a lot more cathartic than I thought. 
> 
> Started reading her comics, and her story really resonates with me.


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